Heintje's Mama

Heintje stole the hearts of many young girls in the '60s. In this techno remake there are so many MAMAS in shiny floral dresses BLOWING my mind. What's a little dutch boy to do?

I, too, little girl, need to clutch my paper sunglasses when I step beyond the Earth's atmosphere. Those solar flares can be blinding.


The White Cat in Review

Disembodied hands! Princely tasks! A stolen princess raised as a cat by fairies in a magic land! DOGSTAR! The White Cat is an ornate story with familiar tropes and plots, reminiscent of The Frog Princess and Rapunzel. Please read this tale.

I think my next project will be turning this dazzling tale into a live-action film. If you know of a dog who fits in an acorn and acts, please send me a note. 


My Favorite Vegetable

Asparagus grows from crowns planted under the earth. Asparagus shoots emerge from the earth during spring and grow into little green stalks. It is perennial! It can produce for over twenty years!  It is important to harvest the stalks before they turn into woody feathery seed dispensers. 

Marcel Proust remarked that asparagus "...transforms my chamber-pot into a flask of perfume." Through a recent genetic discovery, it has been confirmed that I have moderately higher odds of smelling asparagus in my urine. Many have debated whether all (or only some) produce the scent in their urine and whether all (or only some) can detect the scent in their urine. Due to SCIENCE, some studies have revealed that most people produce the scent in their urine BUT only a select few individuals, namely myself, Proust and 22% of the human population can detect it! I think it is time to use my newly discovered genetic trait for the betterment of humanity. I am available for consultations. Are you or is someone you know curious about whether your/their asparagus pee is odorous to 1/5 of the world? Look no further. I'll TELL YA WHAT you need to know. 



Qui ĂȘtes vous, Polly Maggoo? A fairy tale. MOI! MOI! You want to know who I am? OUI!


Coin Purse

My coin purse that I use as a wallet has a hole in it. I have another coin purse that I use strictly for coins and the occasional button. But sometimes I put a coin in the coin purse that has a hole in it and the coin falls out. I need to remember to only use the coin purse for coins, for coins. I think I lost a couple nickels this week.


Dear Tell Ya What,

I have a pair of earrings that consist of two small wooden spheres. They are wonderful, save for one thing: when I wear them my right ear lobe itches. Is it because I use an eraser to back the earring on that side? I lost the little metal part that should go with the right earring. I don't own any other earrings.

Itchy Lobe

Dear Itchy Lobe,

GET A NEW EAR LOBE. I like your earrings, but perhaps you should stop wearing them. I haven't worn earrings in years. Start wearing rings on your fingers, they won't itch you as much. Also, you could be ALLERGIC to erasers. I STRONGLY recommend going to a store with earrings and searching the ground for a little metal part. PROBLEM SOLVED.

You Wanna Know What?

I can't wait for my pizza to be delivered.